What I Say to Pro-Spankers

"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."

--Albert Einstein

First, I want to state that this absolutely IS a rant. At some point, I will likely write about the many, many things I do instead of spanking, but this is not that post. This is in response to all of the insane arguments I read in defense of spanking. I am so tired of hearing the same damn excuses over and over, it really is getting old. And rather than waste my time typing out all the same argument against these excuses, I will simply post this, and I really don't give a damn who I insult! I don't give a damn who feels judged either, because guess what? If you hit your children AND try to justify it, I am judging you!!! I realise that this is quite un-zen of me, however I feel that this topic is quite worth it.
So hear I go.

What's in a name

Spanking.bopping.slapping.smacking; it is ALL THE SAME and IT IS ALL ABUSE; I don't care what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night. I am so, so sick of the excuses and justifications, that I don't even care who I offend, because frankly, you offend me.

I turned out ok

Just because your parents spanked you, and you THINK you turned out alright, does NOT make it true and DOES NOT make it right. Spanking teaches kids to be bullies by showing them that they should hit someone who does not do what they want them to do, particularly those who are smaller than them. If you need an example of this, turn on the news, or better yet, look in the mirror. Growing up to hit people who are vulnerable and smaller than you is a perfect example of how you did not turn out ok.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. find out what it means to me

Just because you are confusing fear and intimidation with respect, does not actually mean they are the same thing. If you want to teach respect you have to give it, there is no other way. Let me reiterate; FEAR AND RESPECT ARE NOT THE SAME.

Semantics

Look it up; discipline means "to teach," which actually has nothing to do with punishment.

Spanking = Assault = Abuse

Yes, I can and do compare it to spousal abuse and assault. It is only the law (in some countries) reflecting a very sick aspect of society, that says there is a difference. Adults can leave or get help, whereas children are relying on YOU to show them WHAT LOVE MEANS, and provide them with protection, shelter, food, and comfort. Also, they are smaller than you and at your mercy. So yeah, I guess it IS completely different.

Lazy much?

There are so many other options out there. Do you actually WANT to hit your precious little child? This gift from the universe? If so, you ARE a bully and should not be allowed the privilege of having any. If not, do some research. There are studies, books, websites, doctors, books on CD, seminars, and videos. There is so much information out there. So much help, guidance, ideas, and knowledge. The world is round; if we all just blindly did what our parents did we would still be living in caves. It's just plain laziness, and it's ridiculous.

Out-of-control brats

It's MY children who are running around disturbing you???? It's PEOPLE LIKE ME who are raising undisciplined brats, and that is "the problem with kids today"??? Riiiiight. Let's get this straight; 90% of parents today admit to spanking their children. Of the ten percent who don't, an even smaller number of us are practicing gentle, respectful discipline which involves no actual punishment or rewards whatsoever. Yet child on child violence, depression, teen suicide, youth crime, delinquency, and mental health issues are at epidemic numbers in North America and that is just among children, not to mention members of my own generation and older. Factor in the entire population and we are looking at a very sick society with a lot of "discipline issues." But yeah, it's TOTALLY because of the unfortunately small number of us who woke up and realized that something is fundamentally broken and if we are going to fix it, we need to drastically change the way we are raising our kids. THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

Speaking from experience

I have 25 month old twins. They are sensitive, high-spirited, rambunctious, AMAZING little girls who have never been punished, yet can sit in a restaurant without tearing it apart or ruining anyone else's dinner.

Thank you.

Here is something beautiful to counteract the above:

The Prophet on Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

--Kahlil Gibran

I Was Lost, but Now I'm Found

There has been quite a gap since I last posted anything. These past few months have been difficult, and I get into certain mindframes where writing is next to impossible. I have little motivation to do much of anything, so what energy I have goes to my daughters.

I could go so far as to say I am prone to depression, especially when life gets really overwhelming. When I can't help, but think to myself, "how did I get to this place where I feel so lost and far from where I want to be?" I hate feeling like that, I hate looking at my life and knowing the precise moments where choices were made; choices that have led me somewhere I would rather not be. It's not even about regret, it's just the knowing...and having to accept that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. Because if I don't, if I don't just accept it, I will find it that much harder to smile when one of my sweet little girls need me to. Not that any of this has to do with them, but when you have children, you need to smile back at them; they tend to take things personally.

Who is This Person?

I feel as though this is not me. The essence that is ME does not have trouble getting out of bed and does not find it hard to laugh at herself or the random things that life throws her way. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that life is for living and being in the moment. And I believe that we are all on a journey, and there are messages and lessons, and we all have something to give and receive in this life. I know this truth like it has been imprinted on my soul.

I think that if you can't find something to be grateful for, every minute of every day, whenever you need to, then something needs to change. And I generally believe that it's mostly just our frame of mind that makes everyone so miserable. It's not that I think we should always be happy. There are many things that make me sad and angry on any given day; these are normal human emotions. The problem is that when I am feeling like this, the way I had been until recently, I can't even do that. I can't shed a tear. That is when I know I'm in trouble.

My general motto for life is that if you don't like something; be it in your life or the world or in your own head or heart, and you have the power to do something about it, then do it. If you don't have the power to do anything, then worrying about it or even spending much time thinking about it will only lead to frustration, anxiety, depression, and acute helplessness; feelings which then spill over into other aspects of your life that you can do something about. Put another way, there's this very famous poem, written by a guy named Reinhold Niebuhr; I'm sure most of you have heard it;

"God, 

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

Courage to change the things I can, 

And wisdom to know the difference."

Serenity Now!

Now, in case you are reading this (and maybe this will now be the last time you ever read anything I write) and you are among the many people who believe I need a religion to talk to God/Goddess/the Universe/Buddha/Jesus/Man-on-the-moon, I am here to tell you, that is simply not true. I have been told that it is impossible; that if I don't subscribe to a particular religious dogma (and I better pick the right one) then I cannot possibly claim to believe in anything. But, my friends, I can. Because I am here. And I do. 

I have seen the light so to speak; I have felt it. It is just not a light that belongs to anyone. It belongs to no one, and it belongs to all of us. I am one of those crazy people who actually believes that it is all the same (gasp!). That every word for God means the same. That every sad, lost person fighting with their neighbor over the right word is just that; lost. Because none of that matters. Just be strong enough within yourself to know what is right for you, and allow everyone else to do the same. 

There. Did you see that? I just solved all the world's problems in ten seconds. This doesn't just go for religion, by the way. It goes for cultures, race, and sexual orientation. How people treat their own children and husbands and wives. If we could all just stop trying so hard to be right all the time, we would look into this person's eyes who we want to kill or scold or deny or scream at, and we would see their humanity, their pain, their fear, their need for acceptance. Most of all, we would see the LOVE that is there in all of us. We are all children of the universe and the stars, and one day we will be stars again...

That's all for tonight; I'm leaving my confession booth and going to bed. Next to my children. Because in addition to being a crazy heathen lunatic hippy, I am an Attachment Parent! Nothing extreme about it, by the way...it's just about loving your children fully, and wholly, and without fear. I love Bill Sears, but you know what? I think I hate that label. Then again, I don't much care for any of the labels we put on each other and on ourselves, so why should this be any different?